i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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