everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
