watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
