ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
