please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
