u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
