i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
