I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
