Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
