someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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