Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
