ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
