So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
