yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
