so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
