the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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