Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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