I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
