I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
