Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize