so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
