I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
