I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
