Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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