i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
