I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
