Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
