so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
