it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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