we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
