I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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