Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
