It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
