her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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