If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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