I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
