i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize