Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
