you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
