Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
