Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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