Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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