I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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