i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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