The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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