we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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