If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
