Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
