It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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