I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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