dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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