I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
