she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
