there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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