i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
