Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
