i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
