i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
