My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
