went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
