happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
