Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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