is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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