The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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