i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
