Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
