You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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