No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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