I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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