Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
