Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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