farters have to be the big spoon...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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