Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
being pregnant is like rehab
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
