She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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