Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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