The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
