Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well you can't waste a boner
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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