I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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