i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize