bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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