Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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