Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
