Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
