fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
