I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
