their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
