the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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