dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
