My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
