fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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