I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
