omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize