We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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