But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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