It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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