Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
