not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
