Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
