You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
