I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
