I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
