I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
