The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
