I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
