can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
