Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
