Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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