So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
3 2 1 whiskey
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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