watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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