i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
