i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
