Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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