My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
