I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
